Are you sure?

Confidence rules the world. Or at least confident people do. These are audacious statements indeed, but the evidence is clear. Its the people that don't take no for an answer, know who they are and what they can do then go out and do it. People that do not allow failure and travails to detour them their goals and dreams. In most aspects of life, confidence, and not a lack therefore leads to success.

I bring the issue up because I was reading some blog articles on dating, and more specifically Christian dating, and the thing that strikes me is the importance of confidence, especially in one's faith. While both genders benefit from confidence, it seems as though Christian men should have it be a very identifiable aspect of their personality. Confidence is seen as a very attractive trait, if not an essential one oftentimes.

Now, to get personal, I am not all that confident. Certainly not in the whole dating/relationship arena, and in my life in general. For most of my life I have viewed myself as a freak of sorts that people despised at worse or tolerated at best. I realize now that its not completely true, but that view of myself has been hard to erase and has made me sensitive to criticism and causing harm to others. Plus, I am somewhat a perfectionist who tends to take failure, in action or being, far too personal. The result is poor self-perception and missed opportunities in my life.

Now in regards to dating, I prefer to see myself as hopeless and largely unlovable, even while the reality is not quite so depressing, since lower expectations are easier to achieve.The truth is, I'm a smart, funny, good-looking, nice, and thoughtful guy. Sounds good right? The problem is that I can write that and might even believe it intellectually, but the moment I talk to a girl or a superior at work or a stranger I'm fat and weird and ugly and annoying. I create a negative persona in my head that makes doing what I want and enjoying life more difficult 

So why can I not be confident? FEAR. I thinks its that simple. When you allow fear to consume you, you are unable to react as you really desire and thus only present a shadow of yourself. Instead of trusting in Christ and removing the fear that somehow the LORD is not fully able to meet all our needs, we diminish the creation we were made to be.

In truth, this post is more about my lack of complete trust in Christ. I read all this posts about these mature, confident Christians and say to myself " I will never meet anyone to love and share our lives together because i'm not a fully developed Christian". I also wonder about how strong my faith really is, how much do I really want to devote myself to God, and not feel ashamed that I am somehow deceiving myself about His truth and existence? I feel inadequate and it frustrates me.

I know change is slow and that I have transformed myself before to confront the challenges that I faced and to grow as a person. But its hard in the present to trust in the future and I get scared and discouraged more often than I like to admit. Sometimes I want the answers now, I want to know the plan now instead of trusting in the  power of His grace and righteousness.

Finally, I think the truth is ultimately to ask God for strength in such times, to put your joys and sorrow before Him and to ask Him to move through you transform into a new creation in Him. It just time and patience and plenty of faith.