Now for Something Completely Different

All the posts on my blog up to now have been about theological/philosophical issues. I don't plan on stopping that per say, but i do want to post more often and i honestly don't have enough brilliance to do weighty pondering every day. Plus the blog has no real audience to offend, so change is in the hands of the beholder as it were. Therefore i plan on talking about something more personal and less explicitly religious.

I decided today to be more confident in myself.

More specifically, my goal is to work towards being happy with me, and accepting me as all right as i am, for the most part anyways. It seems rather simply and not terribly interesting, but the problem I, and i think many people have is to be our own unique creatures under the pressures that society, friends, family and community can impose. I'm not to say that anything goes or that conformity is evil, but that conformity for the sake of pleasing people on its own is generally not good. What i mean is conformity to society's expectation of respecting your parents is good, because it has a moral and practical basis behind it. But conforming to a  clothing style or lifestyle that you do not want but feel you have to in order not to get beat up or mocked, or is the only way to be liked is not ideal. I know why people do, and in some cases its necessary practically to survive, but in most cases its our own insecurities and fears that push us to do what we may not want to do. As well, the important fact is not only to resist such conformity but to be confident in the person you are.

Its the later that has always got me. I did a decent job as a child, to a harmful degree in some ways, of resisting what society, particularly peers, said i should be. This lead to increasing my social isolation, although i myself must take some of the blame, as well as circumstances, why this was so. To be fair, in terms of how children are supposed to be studious and hardworking and not disobey mom and dad, i conformed fairly well, as most would hope for. But i never allowed myself to be me, partially because i got burned somewhat as i child being "myself", but  also because i never though the world would accept someone with my likes and interests.

So what is the plan you might ask? Well my plan is to do more things i enjoy or think i will, and be less afraid what people might think when i do them, like going to a bookstore or trying different eateries out or going to concerts or being active in a religious way. The point is to be more active in my own life, and to be secure in who i am. The truth is that as long as i'm being a kind, caring and moral guy God doesn't care if i like reading science fiction or listening to 80's alternative rock or obsessively following politics. Since i'm mostly beyond the point where most people care or can be bothered to bug me about such things anyways, i need to let go of those old fears and anxieties of my old self and embrace a new way of viewing myself in the world. The truth is that confidence is what is preventing me from enjoying life more for the most part, and i think people much rather be around confident people, or at least the people i want around me are okay with people being themselves. 

A finally point is that this means being more open about my faith as well, as i am relatively new reconvert to Christianity and have feared people will judge me if they knew. But what i said above about my behaviour also applies to my openness about my beliefs, because in reality one leads the other. 

So wish me luck and here i come!